Seems a bit quiet. I wonder how things will go if i practice living the same lifestyle as I had before.
Its just from this moment compared when i last posted I was on a roller coaster now it just feels like i spend my time on a prolong low position.
And you know it hurts my back being in the same position lol.
Oh speaking of which - have you ever felt so painful in your back like something is stabbing it whenever you prolong sitting.
I did. Metaphorically this is what im talking about.
Well more like the results.
Since the last time i wrote here things havent much changed in their outcome.
I still havent fixed the app - the main financial component i mean.
The feature I was only missing. Though the app is improved significantly on app aesthetics and architecture.
I planted more seeds as a safety net when things didnt turn out so well or stagnate in the future. Better prepared than go full in and lose all in.
That meant - I created fb profiles and pages that might help in the future attract more freelance clients and other opportunity, applying to affiliate programs: in fact i have signed up for at least 3 affiliate platform (CJ, Impact and Partnerstack) and currently standing on 2 approved affiliate programs, being more active on online communities, wasting less time on personal matters and of course i still have an active client the one before - I still do his websites, i forgot to mention yes were on web development now. Currently he seem to like the sites that were made. I really just dont know how this would all turn out or what im going to achieve overall by the end of the month but its been pretty quiet since he last paid me.
But hey for a personal update I did bought some good clothes and one good shoes i can use in more formal occasions so thats good i wanna scream but im saving it for later lol. I also set up my play store developer account - so its ready when everything is finished. Im just waiting for paypal to approve my payout feature for my platform commerce app or if they reject my application then maybe well do something more manual or maybe partner with someone else who have access to payment processor(s) with feature like payouts.
Uhm so that might be all the updates i have on the entrepreneur side.
To make it more structured and easy to read and look back on when im back reading all this and see what were the progress. Heres that summary:
- Improved the app aesthetics and architecture.
- Created pages and profiles on facebook and interacted with them.
- Signed up for affiliate platforms and programs.
- Created a website for my freelance activities.
- Created another billing account for GCP to gain access to free credits(really sorry google).
- Initiated requesting for the payouts with paypal - they also require to link and verify a bank card which took me 3 days to finish - due to my naivety and frankly due to the app(also i notice not all apps are the same and some may not even list your transaction(s))
- Made my first freelance websites for a client.
- Opened developer account with play store.
- Bought clothes and a good shoe.
Thats All.
Hey so what actually prompted me to write was my feelings.
I dont know. Its just odd. Sometimes i hated myself for liking someone.
It feels taboo sometimes to me. Sometimes it feels pathetic because i feel partially reliant on good memories of this person. Like giving away your control of happiness to someone else. If theyre unhappy you feel unhappy shit.
I dont know. Maybe its because Im more alone now. Sister took a break on our province. Cant convince her to stay. I thought it would also do her good for her mental wellness. Since its been stressful being here at the apartment and spending your vacation where you were stressed is awful.
So i dont talk about lighter things anymore. Not online that much as well. I sleep alone in our room instead of sleeping at 3am when still is here lol.
I still have slowly uninstalled on my phone i plan to reinstall it on halloween. Since vynce was last online 2 days ago when i last used it - he mustve took a break as well.
So where do i stand now.
Hmmmm.
Waiting.
While waiting - why not imagine things right?
Exactly what ive been doing when my mind is not onto something urgent.
Rarely do i think of anything else than vynce when i do though.
Sighs.
That person just give the best feelings ever.
Hes the most understanding person ive ever met maybe thats why.
I dont know. Sometimes i still ask why i meet him. Did god knew this is going to happen?.
Its not that i hated it. Its just frustrating how easily i can lose control when im thinking or talking about him.
Thats really bad aint it?
Today was more vivid. That i kinda like to write it down ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So i was thinking if he was somehow residing on another country. Then we somehow talked over a period of time after not seeing each other on our inbox from slowly right. We talk somehow idk how my mind made it up. But fast forward what if we decided to finally meet in person? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Thats was soo scary im ngl. Whats gonna happen. We just write thoughts now we can see and hear each other that was scary that might feel like being on another dimension with someone you like right? i mean its scary.
Envisioning the meetup in the airport and stuff. Being emotional and stuff. AHHHHHHHH. Scary. But what if he wasnt really that person maybe im mistaking him or maybe hes still on slowly but not interested in me and had forgotten about me or maybe he was the person i was suspecting but hes not on another country anymore - never were or something or maybe not but anyways. Meeting him in person is choosing to deliberately faint lol.
I dont know how i got into this imagination. But today it was like that. I was even thinking oooh what if we spend some time together and even though we see each other on our rawest form and our flaws and all but were still idk - im assuming so much alright im sorry lol. But what if my guest on how he feels was right. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. What if both like each other as deeply.
Then what if after spending that time knowing with certainty that - that was it. This was the person im spending my life with. Ahhhhhhhhh. He would be my first kiss. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thats hilarious. Thats dirty. I dont know why i even thought about that. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Im just going to be screaming like i lose my mind in the wilderness. It feels and i imagine that would look gross but idk idc anymore i just wanna get closer and when i do ill run as far as i could screaming and LMAO.
Why would i think of any of this this is funny.
But anyways im still thankful from everything that had happen this month. I may not have achieved what i promised to my mom, but hey to be fair we all made promises that we didnt keep because some things were out of our control right?. Abrupt topic change? i thought so. Abrupt ending? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.